Comparing yourself to others: why and how can you tame this uncontrollable reflex?

Are You Caught in the Trap of Comparing Yourself to Others? Here's How to Break Free

If you’re reading this, you likely fall into one of two categories:

1. The shy and insecure, who suffer from imposter syndrome and feel like their work is almost always inferior to others.
2. The outspoken critics who constantly scrutinize others to point out they’re not dressed smartly enough, not bright enough, or not fit enough.

If you belong to the first group, you probably can’t stand people from the second group, and vice versa. But here’s the twist: both are battling a common enemy—the fear of others’ judgment. Yes, even those who throw shade at every opportunity and seem to have confidence the size of the Eiffel Tower. Everyone has a different way of fighting their fear of judgment.

In either case, comparison has become a reflex. You don’t even need to think about it; your brain races ahead on its own.

We’re not promising that by the end of this article, you’ll stop comparing your hair, charisma, physique, or knowledge to that of your seemingly perfect colleague. We’d love to help, but we’re not magic! Instead, we offer to:

• Discover two unconventional methods to detach from others' opinions.
• Understand deeply why letting go of comparison feels so liberating.
• And if you’re determined to change your self-image, our EMPOWERED program is designed just for you. In just 20 minutes a day, you can transform your sense of inferiority into a unique strength.

Two Unconventional Techniques to Stop Comparing Yourself to Others

You’re on the subway, listening to a podcast, when the doors open and a stunning woman walks in. You can’t help but think of your long nose and skinny legs, feeling like it’s unfair and the day is off to a terrible start.

Comparing yourself to others is automatic; you can’t control these thoughts, which sour your mood for hours. So how can you stop doing something you don’t even control?

Let’s not lie—it’s not easy! But instead of trying to block these thoughts, break them down. Analyze what they reveal about you to better understand yourself.

Face Your Thoughts

Start by confronting your thoughts, staring them down like the toughest street fighter.

The goal is to understand the space you give to comparison by asking yourself the right questions.

First, think of something you’re proud of. Is the first thing that comes to mind a compliment you received? A personal goal you achieved? A diploma you earned?

Now, recall your last failure. Why do you view it as a failure? Were you following your desires at that time, or were you influenced by others or societal norms?

Next, move on to the second step: take note of every time you compare yourself to others. At first, keep a tally. If you have time, write down every comparison that crosses your mind.

Turn Comparison into Personal Inquiry

Once you’ve identified your patterns, transform your comparisons into personal inquiries.

For example, instead of wondering if your career is more successful than your neighbor’s, ask if your job satisfies you and meets your needs.

Instead of resenting your more interesting colleague, ask yourself how you could find yourself interesting.

If being wealthier than someone else reassures you, question this need for reassurance and the desire to feel superior.

Asking yourself these questions is like starting to work out. The more you stick with it:

• The better you’ll understand your skills and limits.
• The more your old reflexes will be replaced by new ones.
• The more you’ll build self-confidence.

Inferiority Complex and Comparison: A Toxic Mix

Some people are passionate about motorcycles, yoga, or curling. Sonja Lyubomirsky, a psychology researcher, is fascinated by the phenomenon of comparison.

For years, she’s been studying:

• How comparison works.
• Its effects on our well-being.
• How to use comparison without feeling inferior.

One of her most intriguing experiments divided participants into two groups:

• Those who felt happy when starting the experiment.
• Those who felt unhappy.

Participants gave a presentation that was graded, and the results were falsified to form three groups:

• Those who scored poorly (2-3) but were told others did even worse.
• Those who did very well (6-7) but were told others did even better.
• Those who believed they were presenting alone, with no comparisons.

Lyubomirsky then asked each participant about their current mindset.

Initially, there were no surprises: happy participants who “performed well” felt even happier.

What’s surprising is that unhappy participants valued comparison more than their results. A terrible score? No problem, as long as the neighbor did worse. A good result? It’s worthless if others did better.

The bigger your inferiority complex, the more your happiness depends on comparisons.

To break free from the judgment of others, recognize this vicious cycle and rewire your brain!

Comparison and Conformity: Two Sides of the Same Coin

Comparing yourself to others doesn’t just affect your self-confidence; it influences your behavior.

You see someone with nicer sneakers than yours, so you buy the same pair. Okay, buying one more pair of shoes isn’t world-changing, but this conformity extends to how you talk, your political opinions, and your life choices.

Social psychologist Godfrey M. Hochbaum’s research supports this. In one of his studies, participants were divided into two groups:

• Those praised for making sound judgments.
• Those criticized for often making wrong or poor judgments.

Participants wrote their opinions on a topic, and Hochbaum showed them a fabricated opposing view. The results? The first group barely changed their stance, while the second group conformed to the opposing view, without knowing the person behind it!

Hochbaum’s research shows that comparison often leads to conformity, especially when self-confidence is lacking.

Being able to change your mind is a strength. It shows you can evolve and stay open to new viewpoints. But doing so just to appear smarter or fit in is conformity.

The risk is that you’ll:

• Drift away from your true desires.
• Stay in your comfort zone.
• Let yourself be influenced by toxic people.
• Prevent yourself from living your dreams.

So, stop comparing yourself to others to break free from the status quo and create your unique vision of happiness!

Ready for a real life change but need expert guidance? It’s time to discover EMPOWERED, our online course that helps you take control and build the life you deserve!