Find previous episodes of this series on personal development evolution on the website paradox.io:
According to researcher Joanne Dickson, fewer than one in ten people achieve the goals they set for themselves.
Yes, you read that right.
Given that the personal development field is filled with methods supposedly designed to help us achieve our ambitions…
10% is pretty dismal.
But who's to blame?
Some might say it's because of the questionable methods of the personal development industry. And they wouldn't be wrong. But what if the problem runs deeper?
During the Cold War, the United States attempted to win the ideological battle against the USSR and sought to differentiate itself from the Soviet model by promoting the American Way of Life.
The objective? To transform the American Dream—with its financial abundance, upscale suburbs, and mass consumption—into a symbol of success, deliberately shaping collective imaginations through the media: cinema, TV programs, advertising…
And this strategy proved powerful.
So powerful that we all began to unconsciously aspire to the same things.
As the definition of success became standardized, our dreams standardized along with it—creating a phenomenon of uniformity within society.
A phenomenon that will strongly accelerate in the era of social media, the contemporary relay of new ideals:
An ultra-fit body, a multi-million-dollar business, a digital nomad lifestyle, constant travel to the other side of the world in business class, a large house, stunning Christmas decorations, a wardrobe bursting with designer pieces…
These dreams influence each of our daily decisions.
Yet… they might not truly be ours.
Because yes, when bombarded with messages that show us there is only one legitimate way to succeed, we end up yielding to the prevailing conformism—and thus, losing touch with our individuality.
This conformism, we do not always choose it.
Our brain, marked by centuries of survival in groups, often pushes us to follow the herd. Experiments have even proven that this need for social approval is so strong that we tend to follow the group, even when it is wrong!
To avoid exclusion, we then unconsciously conform to norms, even if it means pursuing ideals that do not deeply resonate with us.
The result?
Either we succeed (often at the cost of our well-being), or… we fail (and blame personal development).
According to Professor Roy Baumeister, the reason for this failure is clear.
When we are alienated from ourselves (meaning our goals do not resonate with our deep desires), our brain lacks the energy to maintain long-term motivation.
The result of this alienation? Procrastination, lack of motivation, and sometimes even apathy… Symptoms well-known in personal development, but which its methods do not resolve, because they only address the consequences.
The real cause? Pursuing a dream that is not our own.
The real solution? Reclaiming our power.
But how?
Imagine if the notions of success and ambition were no longer defined externally.
Imagine if we truly put the individual back at the center of the debate, in all their uniqueness, in all their complexity—and if they finally constituted the real starting point.
Not from an individualistic perspective, but rather from a perspective of individuation, a central concept in Jung that refers to the process by which an individual becomes fully themselves by accepting their particularities, desires, and values.
Individuation is a process of detaching from social, familial, and cultural influences to discover one's true self and live a tailor-made life, aligned with what truly inspires us.
In other words, it is having the courage to listen to that small voice that whispers what is important to us—beyond what the outside world judges to be the right path.
It is having the courage to reclaim our power and redefine success from within through the expression of our singularity.
It turns out that, paradoxically, it is by "selfishly" pursuing what inspires us, pushing our limits, and solving problems that have meaning for us, that we can have a strong influence on the world around us.
And this, at all levels.
Because yes: there is no need to be a celebrity to make a difference.
It could be that passionate teacher who constantly innovates to spark a light in their students' eyes, that curious therapist who listens carefully and delves into the details and subtleties of their patients' stories, that attentive parent who learns child psychology to create a beautiful relationship with their children, that passionate farmer who explores practices that respect the earth and biodiversity, that AI-passionate developer who creates applications for women entrepreneurs…
However, for people to finally dare to listen to that whisper within them, we need to change the dominant paradigm that pushes individuals to strive for perfection by seeking to achieve goals without ever questioning their deeper meaning.
Because all this paradigm has managed to accomplish so far is to create an endless race, where one becomes a slave to an idealized image of oneself, rather than connecting with one's true essence.
That's why, with Paradox, we advocate for a critical personal development approach that questions norms and revisits the rules that permeate our psyche, instead of blindly following them.
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