Master Nonverbal Communication: Unconventional Techniques to Boost Your Charisma

You've devoured countless articles on improving your charisma. You've also tried to put tons of exercises into practice. Yet, your nature sticks to you like old chewing gum:

• Every encounter is a challenge that makes everyone uncomfortable
• Despite all your goodwill, you don't inspire confidence
• When you speak, people don't listen. At best, they lend you an inattentive ear, when you'd like to inspire admiration

If you feel like you have the charisma of an oyster, maybe you haven't looked in the right place yet.

What do you think is the common point between Michelle Obama, Steve Jobs, and Gandhi?

Endowed with very different eloquence and vision, all three have excellent nonverbal communication. When we think of this type of communication, we often have a rather fatalistic image. There are those who are self-confident, who know how to position their voice and make eye contact. And then there are the others.

So, we're not promising you'll become a visionary entrepreneur right after reading this article. But we're already offering you two serious techniques, far from the bullshit advice you'll find elsewhere.

And if you want to go further, we invite you to dig deeper throughout our online training EMPOWERED. A program through which you can explore the backstage of your brain and finally say goodbye to your limiting beliefs.

In the meantime, here are our counter-intuitive methods to convince without needing to open your mouth!

Seeing, Listening, Feeling: Decoding Body Language Models

Communication problems, arguments, and raised voices have the same root: misunderstanding.

So rest assured, we don't claim to give you THE recipe for reading your boss's mind. However, we offer you a first decoder to help you understand your interlocutor's nonverbal language.

A language that's not so simple to decipher, because each person uses it in their own way.

But according to marketing and communication consultant Lynne Franklin, there are three main types:

1. Visual
2. Auditory
3. Tactile

According to her, identifying the type of communication used by your interlocutor is key. Because you can then speak the same body language as them.

Or as Jean Abraham said, it will be a way to "understand the one who listens."

1. Learn to Observe the Other

For you, it's obvious: nonverbal communication goes through the eyes. In some contexts, you scan your interlocutor. "Outfit, check. Posture, check. Eye contact, check." Or not... And it's a disaster, in just a few seconds, the person in front of you has already lost all hope of credibility.

If this is your case, you're part of the 75% for whom body language is visual. It also means that you think in images or photographs.

Several clues can confirm that your interlocutor functions like you. To find out, try to see if they:

• Stand straight and maintain good nonverbal communication posture
• Are well-dressed and clean, pay particular attention to appearance
• Have forehead wrinkles, especially as they raise their eyes to remember something
• Look at their interlocutor in the eyes most of the time

Once you're sure you're communicating with a "visual brain," you can adapt your behavior.

And according to Franklin, you have two cards to play to connect with this type of person:

• Look them in the eyes, as they interpret this as a mark of attention. Conversely, they will think that you're not taking them into consideration if you don't look at them directly
• Use phrases like "I see what you mean"

2. Learn to Listen to the Other

When you see someone, you know in less than 20 seconds if they seem rather attractive... or not! But your first impression, the one that really counts, only comes from the moment they utter their first word. Too bad for those who have an accent worthy of the biggest reality TV stars! You're part of the 20% who think in words and sounds.

But if you dialogue in "visual mode" and your interlocutor is in "auditory mode," you risk not understanding each other.

So, to avoid speaking Mandarin when the other is bothering you in Italian, activate your translator.

To recognize an "auditory brain," observe if the person:

• Shows little interest in physical appearance and how they dress
• Often looks down to the left when remembering something
• Practices the "telephone posture," which consists of putting their head in their hands
• Tends to mumble and talk to themselves
• Likes to play with pens, especially tapping them on a table

Different body language, different attitude to adopt.

To communicate well, Lynne Franklin advises this time not to look too much in the eyes. According to her, the ideal is to find a balance between looking at your interlocutor and looking away.

She also suggests using phrases like "That sounds good." or "Let's talk about it.", which allow "auditories" to feel heard and confident.

3. Learn to Feel the Other

Do you think primarily with your emotions? Are you often described as someone tactile? Do you have an extraordinary ability to hug the first stranger who inspires confidence in you?

Like only 5% of the population, body language is your best means of nonverbal expression.

To know if your interlocutor is like you, ask yourself if they:

• Can easily hug someone, even during a first meeting
• Prefer comfortable clothes, rather than aesthetic ones
• Maintain a notable physical proximity and reduce the space between them and you
• Touch your arm when they talk to you
• Often look down when they remember something

To put yourself in your interlocutor's shoes, start by getting closer! Let's be honest: it's the most difficult exchange, as it requires staying very vigilant and attentive. The goal is not to turn into a clingy person, but to gradually reduce the space between you. If you feel the situation allows it, you can even initiate physical contact.

And each body language also has its verbal communication. With this one, Lynne Franklin suggests phrases like:

• "How do you feel about it?"
• "Let's get in touch"
• "Tell me what you think"

The Art of Looking Well to Communicate Well

We're not teaching you anything new: eye contact is one of the most effective nonverbal communication tools.

You've probably experienced it in your life, this impression of better understanding someone by looking them in the eyes. And at the risk of disappointing you, it's not magic, but chemistry.

Because when we look someone in the eyes, we stimulate their level of physiological and emotional arousal. Basically, it's like asking them something.

But it's a very effective way of asking, as shown by a study by Ellsworth and Langer. According to their experiment, 10 out of 12 people will help someone who looks them in the eyes if they have the means.

Yet, we've all experienced the opposite: a person who stares too long in the eyes or who stares at us when we haven't asked for anything.

Having good eye contact is mostly a matter of dosage. We need to find the balance between looking the other person in the eyes and looking away. The one that will allow us to make contact, without being too intrusive.

To use eye contact as the ultimate tool for good communication, remember to:

• Look at the person about 40% of the time
• Stay attentive to their reactions
• Adapt your attitudes to their nonverbal signals

You now have good keys to develop the verbal and nonverbal communication that suits you!

Can We Free Ourselves from the Fear of Being Judged?

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Sources and References:

• Claude Jean Devirieux, Pour une communication efficace entre les personnes, dans les groupes, avec les médias, en temps de crise, Presses de l'Université du Québec, 2008
• Lynne Franklin, Getting Others To Do What You Want, 2014
• Madeleine Beaudry et Jean-Marie Boisvert, S'affirmer et communiquer, Les Éditions de l'Homme, 2012